Let's start a conversation about …
Consent
Learn about the importance of sexual consent. Discover what sexual consent is, how it should be given, and the key elements of a consensual encounter. Understand the difference between consent and coercion, and learn how to communicate effectively about sexual desires and boundaries.
Listen to what your body is telling you
Some not okay body clues are:
Some happy body clues are:
Your body is your body!
Sexual consent is an agreement between people to share a sexual act.
Consent must be given freely and happily, with shared understanding of what is going to happen.
It is consent when people know they want to do the sexual activities and they make sure their partner does too.
The Consent Continuum is a great resource to help people understand what is and is not consent.
The Consent Continuum is a great resource to help people understand what is and is not consent.
Behaviour that is not OK at work
Offensive behaviour or harassment
This includes anything that offends, humiliates, or insults people on the basis of an attribute. This could be nasty behaviour or annoying people; anything that upsets or embarrasses people; or being rude about a person because of something about them, like their race, religion, weight, gender, or disability.
Sexual harassment
This includes behaviour of a sexual nature which subjects someone to unwanted physical acts, advances or requests, comments, gestures, or actions. Behaviour that is sexual and is not wanted by other people, including touching, asking people to do sexual things, making comments, noises or movements that are sexual.
Victimisation
A person must not harass another person because they have, or intend to, make a complaint. If someone makes a complaint, or is going to make a complaint, it is not ok to bully them.
Inciting hatred
This is a public act which provokes hatred towards, serious contempt for, or severe ridicule of, a person or a group of people on the basis of an attribute. This also includes getting other people to bully someone because of something about them, like their race, religion, weight, gender, or disability.
Promoting or aiding discrimination and prohibited conduct
This includes the publishing or display of any sign or notice that promotes, expresses, or depicts discrimination or prohibited conduct (unless it is discouraging discrimination or prohibited conduct).
This also includes creating or putting up any sign, poster or picture that supports bullying, nasty behaviour, or behaviour that is not ok at work.
Understanding consent laws in Tasmania
There are laws that tell us what the age of consent is.
- If you are under 12 years old, you are not able to consent. Sex with anyone under 12 is against the law.
- If you are over 12 years old, it might be OK if your partner is no more than 3 years older than you.
- If you are over 15 years old, it might be OK if your partner is no more than 5 years older than you.
- If you are over 17 years old, you are able to consent if your partner is over 14 years old.
Everyone has a responsibility to know the age of their partner.
| Your age | Legally informed consent |
|---|---|
| Under 12 | Not able to consent |
| 12 years | Might be OK if your partner is 12-15 years old |
| 13 years | Might be OK if your partner is 12-16 years old |
| 14 years | Might be OK if your partner is 12-17 years old |
| 15 years | Might be OK if your partner is 12-20 years old |
| 16 years | Might be OK if your partner is 13-21 years old |
| 17 years | Able to consent if your partner is 14+ years old |
Image based abuse and online safety
If you share a picture with just one person, you no longer have control over who else might see it.
Here are some forms of image based or online abuse.
Doxing
When someone shares your personal information on the internet.
Sextortion
When someone threatens to share pictures of you on the internet unless you pay them money or do sexual acts with them.
Catfishing
When someone pretends to be a different person online. They might pretend to be a different gender, age or be interested in the same things as you. Usually done to get you to trust them and be friends with them.
Deepfake
A new picture that is made from two or more pictures, e.g. it might be your face on someone else’s body.
Understanding pornography
Pornography (or porn) is the name for pictures or videos that show sexual acts or naked bodies.
Porn is made to create sexual feelings. It is not always made with consent and rarely shows consensual relationships.
- Porn is not real.
- Porn is made to look good.
- Real life sex should feel good.
Respectful relationships have trust, good communication, kindness, empathy (sharing feelings), honesty, equality (sharing power, money or ideas evenly), respect for each other’s ideas and thoughts, and liking each other’s strengths.
A respectful relationship does not have people using power and control over each another.
A respectful relationship feels good and should never make you feel scared or unsafe.
With every right that we have it means that we also have the responsibility to do the same to other people.
Conversation starters
What do you think consent is? And is it important?
Consent needs to be ongoing, enthusiastic, and given freely. When it comes to sexual activity, it means that both people want to do something and that anyone can change their minds at any time.
Consent is very important for a respectful relationship and sex without consent is sexual assault or rape.
During sex and sexual activity people need to keep checking with the other person to make sure they are still happy and want to continue.
Having consent and doing lots of checking will make people feel safer and that can make the sexual activity even better or more fun.
What does the law say about consent?
To give consent a person must understand what they are agreeing to. There cannot be any pressure and it is OK to change your mind at any time, even if the sex or sexual activity has started.
If one person is not enjoying the sexual activity then it must stop.
People cannot give consent if they are drunk, using drugs, unconscious or asleep. In Tasmania people under 17 years old cannot legally give consent for sex or sexual activity.
There is no consent if people are forced, tricked, or threatened. Sexual activity without consent, is sexual assault or rape, which is illegal.
All people who are having sex or sexual activity need to get consent every time even if they are boyfriends / girlfriends, partners, or married.
How would you get or give consent?
To get consent you can ask a question, or you can look at body language. If you open your arms for a hug and someone moves into your arms and hugs you back, they are probably showing consent. If they pull or turn away then they are not consenting. But there also cannot be pressure, threats or rewards for giving consent.
Getting and giving consent are both important.
You need to make sure that you ask if you want to do something with someone. If someone asks you to do something, you need to decide if you give consent. There needs to be consent for each sexual activity.
Consent to take clothes off is not consent to have sex.
Consent to have oral sex is not consent to have penis in vagina sex.
Each different act needs consent.
Can you give and get consent without speaking? What if someone doesn’t talk?
Before anyone has sex or sexual activity it is a good idea to make sure that people know what each other’s yes and no looks or sounds like.
Consent is about agreeing – talking is not the only way to get or give consent.
Talking is not the only way to communicate. A yes might be a nod, a thumbs up, pulling you closer, and a no might be a head shake, a thumbs down, or pushing you away.
Everyone is different so knowing what a yes or a no looks like can make sex and sexual activity safer and more fun for everyone.
If you are not sure if a person is giving consent; perhaps they nodded a yes but they are also looking uncomfortable, you should stop and give them time to tell you or show you their yes or no.
Taking things slowly gives people time to give consent and it can make sex more enjoyable.
How can I tell if someone consents or not?
There are ways to tell that consent is not given, things like turning away, pushing a person’s hand away, ‘freezing up’ or not responding to touch.
Sexual touching when someone does not consent is illegal – even if they do not say “no” out loud.
To check for consent during sexual activity people might ask.
- “Does this feel good?”
- “Are you happy to keep going?”
- “Please tell me if I am doing anything that you do not like.”
If you are not sure there is consent, stop and give people time to tell you or show you their yes or no.
Have you ever given a hug to someone even though you didn’t really want to? Why do you think you did this?
Sometimes we will give a hug or kiss to someone when we don’t really want to, like a grandparent, aunt or uncle. We will sometimes do this as we feel like we should, or someone told us to. This is called compliance, which means we do it and we don’t really like it, but we worry about upsetting someone.
If you really don’t want to give them a hug or a kiss it is OK to say “no” and suggest something else like a fist bump or a high five.
It is your body and you do not have to do anything you don’t want to.
Should people ask for consent if you need help with personal care like a shower or toileting?
Consent should be asked for in all situations; it is not just for sexual activity. To be a respectful relationship there needs to be consent for each personal activity.
All carers, nurses, doctors, and people helping should ask for consent every time before helping with personal care or any actions that involve touching your body.
People might ask for consent in different ways like, “do you want some help with that” or, “can I come into your room / shower/ toilet”, or “are you ready for me to help you off the toilet”.
If you do not want help or you are not ready it is OK to say “no”.
Remember that your body is your body.
If someone asks you over and over and over again to do something with them until you give in and say yes, is that OK? Is there consent here?
This is not consent even if a person says “yes”, as the yes may have only been given because of the pressure from the person asking over and over again.
Sometimes you might feel like you must do something to make other people happy, but this is not OK.
If a person keeps asking to do something that someone does not want to do, it is OK to tell them that no means no and to stop asking – a “no” does not mean the person should try harder to get someone to say “yes”.
Sometimes people might offer you a reward for having sex or sexual activity with them. Was there consent if you said “yes”?
There is no consent here as the person has used coercion to get what they want. Coercion is when someone uses rewards or threats to get people to do things they don’t want to do. Rewards may look like giving you money or doing something for you if say “yes” to sex.
A threat may look like someone saying they will harm your pet or do something else to make you feel bad if you don’t have sex.
This can also happen if someone is saying “if you loved me, you would” or telling people that they must do these things because they are partners / boyfriends / girlfriends / married.
Do you know who you can talk to or get help from if someone sexually abuses you? Can you think of two or three adults who you could ask for help?
Sexual abuse or violence includes things that happen without consent like touching your genitals, bottom or breasts, taking nude photos of you, making you watch or make porn or threatening to do any of these things. It can also be rape.
It is a good idea to think about who you could ask for help if you wanted to talk about sexual abuse or rape.
If you cannot think of two or three adults you can ask for help, then you can also ask for help from the police, a sexual assault support service like Laurel House in North and North West Tasmania, an Arch Centre in Tasmania, your GP or other health provider, or you can call or chat online with someone at 1800RESPECT.
What can you do if you are not sure if sex or sexual activity was sexual abuse or not?
If you are not sure there was consent or if there has been sex or sexual activity without consent, you can ask someone you trust for help. You don’t have to know to if it was sexual abuse. If it was not enjoyable or it did not feel safe, talk to someone you trust or contact support services for some help to understand what has happened and help you to decide what to do next. You don’t have to work this out by yourself.
In Tasmania you can call 1800MySupport on 1800 697 877 to talk to someone.
Do you know about active by-standing? Have you heard of this?
‘Active by-standing’ is about helping friends or other people when you see or hear something that makes you think that someone is not safe.
It can be hard to help someone but there are ways to help while keeping yourself and others safe.
If it is safe and you want to say something, ask the person being abused if they are OK or if they need any help. Or you could ask the person if they can help you with something, so that they can move away from the abuse.
If you recognise that someone is being abused, and you don’t know what you can do, see if you can find someone else who can help the person.
Get help now
If you, or anyone else is in immediate danger, call 000
Northern Tasmania
North West Tasmania
If you require assistance outside of business hours, please call the 24/7 Statewide Support number below:
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