Let's start a conversation about …
Respectful relationships
What are respectful relationships? A respectful relationship feels good and should never make you feel scared or unsafe.
Listen to what your body is telling you
Some not okay body clues are:
Some happy body clues are:
Your body is your body!
Sexual consent is an agreement between people to share a sexual act.
Consent must be given freely and happily, with shared understanding of what is going to happen.
It is consent when people know they want to do the sexual activities and they make sure their partner does too.
The Consent Continuum is a great resource to help people understand what is and is not consent.
The Consent Continuum is a great resource to help people understand what is and is not consent.
Behaviour that is not OK at work
Offensive behaviour or harassment
This includes anything that offends, humiliates, or insults people on the basis of an attribute. This could be nasty behaviour or annoying people; anything that upsets or embarrasses people; or being rude about a person because of something about them, like their race, religion, weight, gender, or disability.
Sexual harassment
This includes behaviour of a sexual nature which subjects someone to unwanted physical acts, advances or requests, comments, gestures, or actions. Behaviour that is sexual and is not wanted by other people, including touching, asking people to do sexual things, making comments, noises or movements that are sexual.
Victimisation
A person must not harass another person because they have, or intend to, make a complaint. If someone makes a complaint, or is going to make a complaint, it is not ok to bully them.
Inciting hatred
This is a public act which provokes hatred towards, serious contempt for, or severe ridicule of, a person or a group of people on the basis of an attribute. This also includes getting other people to bully someone because of something about them, like their race, religion, weight, gender, or disability.
Promoting or aiding discrimination and prohibited conduct
This includes the publishing or display of any sign or notice that promotes, expresses, or depicts discrimination or prohibited conduct (unless it is discouraging discrimination or prohibited conduct).
This also includes creating or putting up any sign, poster or picture that supports bullying, nasty behaviour, or behaviour that is not ok at work.
Understanding consent laws in Tasmania
There are laws that tell us what the age of consent is.
- If you are under 12 years old, you are not able to consent. Sex with anyone under 12 is against the law.
- If you are over 12 years old, it might be OK if your partner is no more than 3 years older than you.
- If you are over 15 years old, it might be OK if your partner is no more than 5 years older than you.
- If you are over 17 years old, you are able to consent if your partner is over 14 years old.
Everyone has a responsibility to know the age of their partner.
| Your age | Legally informed consent |
|---|---|
| Under 12 | Not able to consent |
| 12 years | Might be OK if your partner is 12-15 years old |
| 13 years | Might be OK if your partner is 12-16 years old |
| 14 years | Might be OK if your partner is 12-17 years old |
| 15 years | Might be OK if your partner is 12-20 years old |
| 16 years | Might be OK if your partner is 13-21 years old |
| 17 years | Able to consent if your partner is 14+ years old |
Image based abuse and online safety
If you share a picture with just one person, you no longer have control over who else might see it.
Here are some forms of image based or online abuse.
Doxing
When someone shares your personal information on the internet.
Sextortion
When someone threatens to share pictures of you on the internet unless you pay them money or do sexual acts with them.
Catfishing
When someone pretends to be a different person online. They might pretend to be a different gender, age or be interested in the same things as you. Usually done to get you to trust them and be friends with them.
Deepfake
A new picture that is made from two or more pictures, e.g. it might be your face on someone else’s body.
Understanding pornography
Pornography (or porn) is the name for pictures or videos that show sexual acts or naked bodies.
Porn is made to create sexual feelings. It is not always made with consent and rarely shows consensual relationships.
- Porn is not real.
- Porn is made to look good.
- Real life sex should feel good.
Respectful relationships have trust, good communication, kindness, empathy (sharing feelings), honesty, equality (sharing power, money or ideas evenly), respect for each other’s ideas and thoughts, and liking each other’s strengths.
A respectful relationship does not have people using power and control over each another.
A respectful relationship feels good and should never make you feel scared or unsafe.
With every right that we have it means that we also have the responsibility to do the same to other people.
Conversation starters
What does it mean to have a relationship with someone?
There are lots of different kinds of relationships, teacher / student, coach / player, friends, boyfriend or girlfriend, partner, nurse / patient, doctor / patient, support worker, parent. Being in a relationship means that we share a part of our lives with that person.
The kind of relationship changes the things we do with the other person.
We might kiss a boyfriend, a girlfriend, a lover, or a parent, but we should not be kissing our nurse, teacher, doctor, support worker or our coach. Also, the kind of kiss we give to a boyfriend, a girlfriend or a partner will be different to the kiss we share with a parent or friend.
What does having a respectful relationship mean to you? What things make a relationship good?
Respectful relationships have trust, good communication, kindness, empathy (sharing feelings), honesty, equality (all people have the same value), respect for each other’s ideas and thoughts, and people like each other’s strengths.
A respectful relationship does not have people using power and control. A respectful relationship feels good and should never make you feel scared.
People’s beliefs can be different. What is important is that any differences are respected. It is not respectful to force someone to change what they like.
Is it important to be respectful when you are talking to someone by text message? How do you like to use text messages?
You still have to be respectful.
Text messages are a great way to talk to people.
Some people answer messages quickly while other people don’t.
If you have sent three messages with no answer, it might be best to wait for an answer before sending more.
Remember that people can be busy working, spending time with friends or family or having some quiet time.
Ask people when they like to get messages and try not to send messages too early in the morning or too late at night.
It is not OK to send text messages that are abusive or mean.
It is not OK to send sexual pictures or videos without consent.
If you send a nude picture of yourself, you have no control over who might see it.
What if a relationship feels like there is trust and kindness, but doesn’t actually have honesty, equality, or respect for each other’s ideas and thoughts?
Relationships can be very exciting at the start, but sometimes people use these feelings to trick you into doing things that don’t feel nice – we call this ‘grooming’.
People who use grooming make it feel like a respectful relationship, so that the other person will let them do things that don’t always feel good or safe. Sometimes these people make you do things only in private.
If there is no honesty, equality, or respect then it is not a respectful relationship.
If a relationship makes you feel bad more than it makes you feel good, you may need to think about ending it.
What could you do if you think a friend or someone else you know is in a disrespectful relationship?
It can be useful to share information about what makes a relationship respectful and good.
But try not to tell the person what to do.
You can tell them you are worried about them and share some information with them so that they can understand why you are worried.
A great place to find these resources is 1800 RESPECT.
If you think the person or any children are going to be hurt, you can call the police on 000.
If we are in a romantic relationship or marriage does that mean that we must have sexual activity with our partner whenever they want to?
We always have the right to say “no”. We never have to do anything with our bodies that we don’t want to do.
In a respectful relationship each person can have their own opinion and the other person will respect that.
There is no need to rush into having sex or sexual activity. In a good relationship there will be lots of time to do these things when both people are ready.
Do people have to have sex or sexual activity to be intimate with each other?
There are lots of different ways to be intimate with another person. It is about being connected and feeling close to another person.
Some people might not have sex or sexual activity and still be in an intimate relationship.
Trying new things together, holding hands, talking to each other and sharing are all ways to be intimate with another person. It is OK to have a relationship and not have sex.
Do you think there are nice ways or good ways to break up with someone?
It can be really hard when a relationship ends.
There are some things that people can do to make sure that the relationship is ended respectfully.
- Tell the person you want to finish the relationship, don’t just ignore them
- Don’t share private information about the person
- Don’t share nude photos - that is called revenge porn
- Don’t make up bad or rude things about the person
Being respectful can help the other person to be respectful to you during a breakup too. If someone breaks up with you respect their decision – do not keep messaging or calling them if they ask you to stop.
Get help now
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